To the one who I lost,

To the one who I lost,

Firstly I wanna tell you that I love you Mom. So much that it hurts. I cry every single day remembering you. Actually your memories are the ones that hurt me the most. Our small trips here and there. Your smile, your voice, your face. The way you used to eat, sneeze, cough and everything. I miss the smile ma a lot. It’s the thing I long for. I can feel your presence though. It’s like you’re still there watching over me.

These past days, I have heard that I have to be happy all the times and not mourn over you cause you are really watching over me. What I don’t understand that when people die, the soul leaves the body. And the soul never remembers it’s past life. It does even remembers it gender. So will you remember me mum???  But somehow I hope and pray that you remember mom. That a small tiny part of you do. Just like how I am missing you. And I will cry mom because it helps. It helps to release the pent up stress, anger and hurt. I hope you don’t mind that. Actually I know you won’t. Because only you mom, only you will understand.

Maybe in this life time or other, whenever I meet you you’ll recognize me. I can just hope for it ma. And hope I will.

God must be keeping you in a happier place, because if not. I don’t know what I will do. I pray for it though. Every single time. One more thing ma, even if you remember me or not, don’t ever cry. I have been praying that all the happiness comes your way wherever you are. And that not once he shall make you cry.

You know people take everything for granted when they are used to someone or something. It’s only when that thing is taken away from you, you realize it’s true value. I am not an exception in that case. I did took you for granted. We would fight and argue. And now I regret it. I regret some words that I knew would hurt you. Anger mum, it was all anger. Now I understand what you once said, “Anger does makes the demons inside you come out. And God forbid, when it does it becomes strong and empowers you, consume you as a whole.”

Anyways, for me you were the most beautiful person in this entire universe. I never said it but I love you. I always have and I always will. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love someone as much as I love you. The first thing on my mind when I wake up in the morning and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep is you Mom. Sadly, I can never call someone Mom now. Even if my mother in law will be like a mother to me but she won’t be the one who went through the pain of holding a fetus in her womb for 9 long months. She won’t be the one who gave away everything of hers just for me. You were the first one who made me realize what true and selfless love really is. You were the first one I saw when I opened my eyes for the first time. I said ma for the first time when I could speak. And you were longing to hear that word. Weren’t you mother??? It was love. A love so pure that even the God can’t compete with it.

Sometimes, I feel so helpless. So lost. I wish I could bring you back. Yes I am living mom. But it’s like a life without love. A life without you. Dead yet alive.

I miss you mum. Way more than words. But I know God will be taking care of you for me. You said that prayers are very powerful. So that’s what I am doing now. Praying for you each and every day. Thank you Mum for everything you ever did. I know I will always be indebted to you. But please, pretty please I want you to be my mother in every life I will get if the reincarnation truly does happen.

For those of you who are reading this. Love your mom endlessly. Because she’s the kind of person you’ll meet once in a lifetime. Pray for her health and wellness. And be good to her. Because Mom’s are truly the greatest gift from God.